Sunday, January 6, 2013

faith is for the future

The start of a new year gives us all the wonderful opportunity to look back and reflect on our lives, as well as prepare for whatever the future has in store for us. Every time January comes around, I think about who I want to become, as well as who my Father in Heaven wants me to be, and it's exciting to map out a plan each year that will help me become that person. I love love love setting new goals and looking forward to the countless opportunities that lie ahead with each new year. However, sometimes the future can be daunting. I think I have made it fairly obvious that I completely lack confidence in making decisions. I am so afraid of heading down a path that will ultimately lead me to fail, that it weakens my ability to have faith that everything will be ok. Because of this, I have made a resolution to have increased faith. My Heavenly Father has made it so apparent to me (especially lately) that He is always there for me and that I have the brightest of futures ahead of me. How could I not trust in Him? 

I was reading a talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland today titled, "The Best is Yet to Be" and this quote expressed my thoughts and feelings exactly:  

"Some of you may wonder: Is there any future for me? What does a new year or a new semester, a new major or a new romance, a new job or a new home hold for me? Will I be safe? Will life be sound? Can I trust in the Lord and in the future? Or would it be beter to look back, to go back, to stay in the past? 
To all such of every generation, I call out, 'Remember Lot's wife.' Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the 'high priest of good things to come.' (Hebrews 9:11)
Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever. That is a New Year's resolution I ask you to keep."

Take some time today to think about where you want your life to lead you this year. As cheesy as it sounds, the possibilities truly are endless with help from our Savior, Jesus Christ. 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

My fear of roller coasters

ohhhhhh my heart.

The poor thing is being pulled in so many directions and I'm not sure how much more it can handle. I don't know if anyone else has this problem but I CANNOT make decisions. Small ones, big ones, doesn't matter. I just struggle.

I have been going back and forth with the idea of serving a mission for a loooooong time. Like a year and a half-long time. It has caused me so much more emotional stress than I can explain. I will spare you the pages and pages of details, but basically what it all boils down to is that I know it would be such an amazing opportunity. It would bless so many lives, as well as my own. But I just can't be excited about it like I used to be. I have had so many experiences that have prompted me to go (and even submitted my papers to my bishop), but also have received so much comfort in knowing that staying here is where I'm supposed to be (and told my bishop that I decided not to go).

Yeah, it's a little confusing.

The only thing I want is to be where my Heavenly Father wants me to be. But it's extremely difficult for me to find that place with so many conflicting thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I just wish I could have a map to guide me through these big decisions in my life. Because serving a mission isn't the only decision I'm faced with right now. There's also big school and dating decisions that make things much more complicated.

Luckily, I have been blessed with amazing friends. Some have been lifelong friends, and some, I feel, have been put into my life at this exact time to help me get through these trials. They have some of the best insight and beautiful testimonies I have ever heard. They have helped me realize that Heavenly Father loves me and He trusts my judgement. He will not punish me for not going, and He will support me in all of my righteous efforts. I need to have faith in His love for me to help me remove my fear of letting Him down.

The other night I was praying to feel confident in my decision to stay home. I wanted to feel that He was proud of me and that He loved me. I had been feeling impressed to read my patriarchal blessing so I decided to get it out after my prayer. Right at the beginning it said something about having Heavenly parents that love me and then it said that it was important for me to understand and honor that knowledge in all that I choose to do throughout my life. Yeah, I bawled. It was such an answer to my prayer. And it came so quickly. What a tender mercy.

I am still trying to figure out why I have been put on such a long, turbulent emotional roller coaster (did I mention that I HATE roller coasters??) and one friend gave me the best advice...

There is no growth in a comfort zone, and no comfort in a growth zone.

There has definitely been a lot of growth over the past year and a half. And actually, a lot of good has come from this experience. I am so grateful for the testimony and knowledge I have of a loving Heavenly Father. He has proven to me so much lately that He is mindful of me and the trials I am going through. The Atonement is the greatest gift to me and it has honestly carried me through these tough times. I am still struggling to stay afloat during all of this, but I know that I can do anything with my Heavenly Father on my side. All that matters is that I do what I know to be right.

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things.." Alma 26:12

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Boy Drama

Seriously? Am I the only one that's got it? Please tell me I'm not.

Why are they so hard to read? I don't know if I'm just out of practice or what, but it's driving me crazy

Tell me this, how does one play hard to get while putting themselves out there so that the other person knows they're interested? I just don't understand. 

And you want to know the worst part about all of this boy drama? Half the time, the boy doesn't even know there is drama because his mind is on fifty other things while yours (mine) is stuck on him.


Monday, September 24, 2012

Les Miserables

I'm sure most of you have seen the preview, but I literally get the chills every time I see this. And by the end I can't even keep the tears from rolling down my face. 

Absolutely breathtaking. 

I cannot wait. 

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Beautiful Heart

"I know, now, without a doubt that the true source of happiness, self-worth, and authentic beauty doesn't come from the outside. Women are constantly being persuaded to want something unachievable, to look younger or thinner and above all to fit in because being different is too painful and embarrassing. I have accepted myself in a world that does not accept me, because I have learned-and more than any of the lessons of my accident, this is the one i wish i could teach everybody- that

our hearts matter most

Your heart matters most, so be gentler and more patient with yourself, and their hearts matter most, too, so be kinder and more compassionate to others. It's a beautiful heart, not a perfect body, that leads to a beautiful life." 

-Stephanie Nielson, Heaven is Here

Friday, June 1, 2012


Guess what?? 

This boy entered the MTC one year ago TODAY!

I can't even believe how fast the time has gone by. I'm so thankful for Sam and his amazing example to me. I have learned so much from him and he continually influences my life for the better. So much has changed in the past year, and I know a whole lot more will change in this next one. But no matter what happens, I will forever be thankful for the blessings he has brought into my life.

Sam is doing great out on his mission (as far as I know). He and I don't write very often at all. I have actually only received 8 letters from him in this first year. We both just take our time to write each other and we understand that we each have our own things going on. We also just keep things very casual. Sometimes it's the hardest thing for me to not know what his feelings for me are or to express mine to him, but I know that supporting him on his mission is far more important than that. In the long run, I will be happier knowing that I didn't hold him back from reaching his potential in any way. Sam is SO happy out there and I know he is giving The Lord everything he can. I am so proud of his sacrifice and look up to him in so many ways. 
He's pretty amazing.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

My mind's wanderings

I know I'm not the only one, but almost everything I experienced while growing up, my friends did, too. We all experienced the same changes at the same time. Like starting high school, learning to drive, dating, and graduating high school. We were all pretty much on the same page. We helped and supported each other through these stages in our lives and longingly awaited for some of them to arrive.

But now all of that has changed. After we graduated, we all took our own paths. We had to learn independence and make decisions based on what was best for ourselves. We grow and experience life in different ways now. Some of us have taken paths that were very predictable, and some of us have learned to deal with the unexpected turns that our particular paths have sent us on.

This is probably my favorite part of growing up. I feel like my friends and I have helped mold each other into the people that we wanted to become, and prepared each other for what the future brings. Now more than ever, I feel like we are all on different levels and I love it. It's amazing how what is right for me at this time, is completely wrong for someone else. We are all on our own time tables now and only our Father in Heaven knows what lies ahead for us and what we need at each time in our lives.

Some of us are married...

And some of us are dating some seriously cute boys...

And some of us are serving missions...

While some of us are single and having fun...

Some of us will be getting married soon, some of us will be going back to school, some of us will be on missions, and some of us will be working. It's crazy that life is taking each of us in our own direction, but I know that Heavenly Father is leading us to where we need to be. Looking back on my life one year ago, I realize that I have grown so much.

This time last year I was a complete mess. Sam and I had just decided that we needed to break things off so he could prepare for his mission. It was the most difficult thing and also the best thing for me to go through. I would definitely not be the person that I am right now, if it weren't for that. It taught me a lot about trusting in the Lord and being confident and independent.

I find myself getting stressed out and maybe even a little bummed out at times when I think about where my life is headed. Especially when I look at others and feel like they are doing much better things than I am. But my purpose in this life is different from all of my friends. Everything I experience is to prepare me for what I am to become. In this life as well as the next. I know that I still have a lot of growing up to do, but I know that I am where I need to be at this time and that my Father in Heaven loves me and will be there for me to help me reach my greatest potential.

What more can I ask for?

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  -Dr. Suess